What do I mean by joy?

I’m all for making our daily life more joyful as a professional organiser. Hence, Organised Joy!

Before I delve in to why I focus on joy specifically, I must start by explaining that I don’t mean being happy, excited or positive 24/7. Nor am I suggesting we turn away from bad things happening near and far. The Oxford Languages Dictionary calls joy “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.” Whilst happiness is often used in the context of celebrating good fortune or circumstances, joy tends to describe the elated feeling we get from someone or something very special. As in “she is my pride and joy” or “you bring a lot of joy into my life.” 

For me, joy is being in tune with who you are and how you want to live. In joyful moments you might feel a thrill, burst into a smile, belly laugh or feel wonderfully content. Joy is the warm feeling of knowing you are where you want to be in given moment. Really, joy is the sparkle in our lives!

Marie Kondo’s famous catchphrase “spark joy”

Marie Kondo asks us to hold each item we own, keep those that spark joy and discard those that do not. Marie Kondo uses the Japanese word ときめく (tokimeku) literally “to flutter,” “to throb,” “to palpitate,” or “to beat fast,” as your heart would when it feels excited. She talks about noticing your body’s reaction when you hold each item. According to Apartment Therapy, Cathy Hirano the translator of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up into English considered versions including “bring pleasure,” “speak to your heart,” “brighten your world,” “give you a thrill,” and “make you happy” and all of these can be found in the book itself. Once “Spark Joy” was chosen for the title of Kondo’s second book, it’s prominence in the English-speaking zeitgeist grew to new heights.

What about functional items? After all, can a toilet brush or extension cord really make your heart flutter? Marie Kondo has an answer for this. Ask yourself if the job the item is doing makes your life more joyful. A clean toilet? A working laptop? Yes please. And do those items fulfil their role well? The same goes for paperwork. Documents themselves may not spark joy but the time that you reclaim once they’re tidied does! Even if it requires some questioning, making decisions based on joy gives us permission to hold on things that matter to us, and forces us to realise what is not supporting the life we want to live. 

Why is joy important to me?

In our daily grind, it’s easy to lose sight of what we want our days, our weeks our years, our life to look like. To feel like. It’s easy to tell ourselves, I’ll make more time for joy after I achieve XYZ. After this busy phase at work. Once I’m firmly on the property ladder. When my child is more grown up. However, I’ve found making time and space for joy gives me energy and resilience to get me through the difficult times. It’s most needed when times get tough!

Making decisions based on joy is flexing a muscle that strengthens over time. When I felt lost in my career, and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t more satisfied with my lot, asking myself ‘does this bring me joy?’ whilst tidying helped me identify joyful moments scattered through my days, weeks and months. Getting clear on what I valued in life spurred me into action. I became quietly confident in taking steps towards a more joyful life, the life I wanted to lead, rather than fulfilling anyone else’s image of success.

If I dig a little deeper, another thought creeps in. Sad as it is to say, not everyone gets to grow old. I wonder if I think about this a lot due to a family tragedy that rocked my teens. I have also noticed, since having children of my own, I have a more intense emotional response to the tragedies of the world, real and fictional - please don’t watch me watching a sad movie! I’m more content and grateful for my lot than ever before, and perhaps the other side of that coin is a fear that something terrible will rock my family. I don’t think I’m alone in this. And I don’t think it is selfish or self-indulgent to make choices from a place of joy. This brings me to my final thoughts. 

Is it superficial or selfish to focus on joy?

Prioritising your own joy can be seen as superficial or even selfish. A self-indulgence afforded to those with time, money and security. I am deeply aware of this perspective. As a second generation British Indian, many of the privileged life choices I make with my husband are a far cry from either of our parents’ laser focus on making it in a new land. Security was their priority. Survive before thrive. My parents and my husband’s parents have very different stories - coming from Kolkata vs Gujarat in India, moving to London vs Yorkshire in the UK and finding work in professional services vs running a corner shop. However, in both cases, I believe our parents found joy in building their life in the UK and being part of close-knit communities that were going through the same thing. Survive turned into thrive without actively thinking about joy. Needless to say, my walking away from a secure well-paid career needed a bit of explaining! But for many of us, from all manner of family backgrounds, is it any surprise we want more from our lives? Just as the generation before wanted more. As we gain some security, we look for more fulfilment and enjoyment.

Is it superficial to chase joy? We are often conditioned to chase wealth or other historical trappings of success. Working hard, putting the family first and being responsible have high social and moral currency. But I believe joy is not about maximising short-term pleasure or putting yourself first without compromise. Indeed, prioritising your own joy requires you to be introspective. As you make decisions based on joy, you consider how a course of action makes you feel before blindly fulfilling your obligations to others. But if my own experience teaches me anything, it is that the more I consider what brings me joy, the more likely I am to help and support other people. Ever since I prioritised joy and gratitude instead of dwelling on negative things that I deemed beyond my control, I enjoy doing things for other people. Simply put, I have a bit more energy to be a better wife, mum, daughter and friend than I used to be. I find myself on a career path that more tangibly helps people and aligns with my values, I volunteer at a food charity, I play a more active role in my community. Quite frankly, I just didn’t have much energy to think far beyond myself, when I wasn't carving out as much time and space for joy. At a certain point in my twenties, joy was no longer as simple as “escaping" into my 2-week travels on annual leave or fancy post-work dinners and drinks. It was found in dedicating small pockets of time to work towards a life I really wanted and trying out new things. This is the classic “self care” or “fill your cup” argument. Yet many of us, myself included, can find ourselves arching an eyebrow at the phrase “self care” because we’ve been conditioned to think, get over yourself love, life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. Even if my 3 year old seems to think it mostly is.

So yes, I’m all for choosing joy and practising gratitude! Joyce, one of the brilliant characters in Richard Osman’s bestseller, The Thursday Murder Club, puts it simply: “In life you have to learn to count the good days. You have to tuck them in your pocket and carry them around with you. So I’m putting today in my pocket and I’m off to bed.” Don’t stop aiming for the good days!